July 16th- Jesus Calling
“He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, and hymm of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.” - Psalm 40: 2-3
This blog will be going off track from follwing God’s will down a path of a much deeper struggle; One I have already overcome, but one I would still be enslaved by if it wasn’t for God. Two years ago I fell into a depression for reasons that would require a blog of its own. During this depression I pretended my relationship with Christ was strong, and used it to mask my self-misery. I found myself popping extacy tabs, and as the serotonin level (controls emotions) decreased from the drug, my depression increased. I found myself surrounded by darkness, and God felt absent. But He showed mercy on me by giving clues to my dad, and when my dad confronted me about my actitivities I wasn’t afraid of consequence. Honestly, I felt an overwhelming amount of peace and relief, and the Holy Spirit agressively penetrated my heart. From that point I continued to struggle, and fell into other temptations besides exctacy many times even though I reestablished my church routine. But God consisently pursued me even though I was drowning in my own self pity. After months of trying to get back on my feet, I finally broke down in church from exhaustiion of lying, of temporarily burriying my depression with an unacceptable lifestyle, and I cried out to the Lord “I need you,” and the Holy Spirit did more than just penetrate my heart; It bursted through and intoxicated my veins with love and mercy. God told me “You need to talk to your father. Confess your sins to him.” And I did. It was the most freeing moment of my life. I know I am not the only one out there that knows what its like to reach a place that seems unescapable (if that is even word), but God is always there. If He feels distant it is because your back is turned to him. I have seen what He has done in my life, and in my friends’ life, and I am utterly amazed. I honestly don’t know why God reminded me of this time in my life today. Maybe to show me how far we’ve gotten as a team when it comes to my life. Or maybe, simply to share with all ya’ll. Probably both. Just know He is there and He is real and that His arms are always open.